So you guys remember that time I wrote about that time I had iritis and my eye got really gross and ugly and I scared people’s pants off in the drive-thru as I handed them their coffee and then I got steroid eye drops and my eye got stronger than Arnold?
No? Screw you. Go read it.
Anyway, as I was writing it, I was thinking to myself, “Cruel world! Why do you not have a picture of an iron-pumping eyeball? How could you forsake me?”
And even as the world forsook me, my friend at Clip Snark did not. Though her blog post about her search for this image is very modest, she told me the truth of her harrowing journey o’er hill and vale, past hungry antelope and grazing tigers, ‘midst people who would sooner suck the eyeballs from your face than give you the time, though she had no need of knowing the time as the nights turned into days and the days into scorching and freezing weeks.
Fret not, my readers, her journey was not fruitless. She finally found the lost city of Atlantis’ giant underwater power pyramid crystal. Swaddled in neoprene and surrounded by scuba tubes, she pressed the ancient key (won from one of the afore-mentioned cannibals in a pocket-knife fight to the death) into a notch on the side of the crystal, and a door opened.
She wildly swept aside silly items like the lost Excalibur, the Holy Grail, and Davy Jones’ middle school gym locker as her oxygen tank got dangerously low. As the very back of the secret compartment was a computer, already powered on, connected to the Bermuda Triangle’s wifi, and open to a clip art website.
She clipped (pun!) the entire desktop to her scuba belt just as her oxygen ran out, and a dolphin she had saved from a rabid shark grabbed her in its teeth and pushed her toward the surface.
She has delivered to me now a clip art image of an eyeball lifting weights. My Excalibur. My Holy Grail. My Davy Jones’ middle school gym locker. When the world forgot about me, she did not. When Microsoft Office turned its back on me, she did not.
I’d show you this image Clip Snark sacrificed so much for, but it’s like 10 bucks to buy the smallest size, and I’d rather buy shoes.