Pillows Be Bitches

A couple months ago, I bought a down pillow for my boyfriend. Every morning, I get out of bed and play a game I call “Feather or Spider?”



It doesn’t help that I have bad eyes.

The reason we were pillow perusing at Bed Bath and Beyond is because I’ve been using the same pillow I got from a chiropractor 5 or 6 years ago. It looks like a yellowed, water-stained donut, and it stretches the pillowcase to the max. I’m no connoisseur of fine bedding sets, but I know this thing is weird, ugly and smells like hair.

I feel pretty good when I wake up on this monster, but it’s not comfortable to sleep on. I had this other pillow for awhile that had me dreaming of cotton candy, clouds, and bunny tails, but by morning my neck vertebra were backwards. Literally. I woke up like the girl in the exorcist.

I’ve been on the hunt for something that’s both comfortable and aligns my pleasantly misshapen body, but I have yet to find it. I’ve tried two memory foam numbers and I don’t get the national obsession with that shit. My head needs to be 10 pounds heavier to sink into it. It’s just like laying on a boulder smoothed to flatness by the quiet I passage of water and time.

Sorry. I’m in bed typing this on my phone, and I’m very zen because I just want to sleep but inspiration hit.

I’ve returned two of these NASA-grade pillows and the same worker was there both times, so she probably thinks I’m some serial pillow user who circles between all the stores in town, using a new pillow every night. I’d call myself The Snooze Snatcher and my super power would be using the store credit to the penny in the same visit.

If anyone has any pillow recommendations I’ll take it. Money is no option. I’ll take out a loan. I’ll sell my eggs. For the perfect pillow, I’d pay the price of a lightly used 2012 Ferrari.

Right now, I have a date with a certain blasé donut and these doggies have decreed it bedtime.



Dog or Spider?

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4 thoughts on “Pillows Be Bitches

  1. Still looking for a pillow myself. Why is it so hard?? I have also returned 2 NASA pillows. Next purchase is the Claritin pillow. Moderately priced at $40. Found it at the BB&B website. Love the pic of your pooches!

    Like

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